i just wanna soil my oats bro
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
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wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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