I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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