My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
