you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
