Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
