If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
