I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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