Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
