I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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