remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
