You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
