For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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