You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize