My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
