Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
