How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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