The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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