"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
