This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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