ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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