Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
