You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
