Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
