Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
