The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
