Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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