bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
