I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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