your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
