the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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