Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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