I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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