dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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