I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
