you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
