I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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