you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
