What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
