first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
