Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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