Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
