you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
