matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
