yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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