Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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