my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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