That's when you crack a 10am beer
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
