I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
and you fell through a lawn chair
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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