There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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