In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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