dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
