In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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