so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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