there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
