I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize