Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
