Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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