does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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