Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
