Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize