Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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