I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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