If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
