we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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