she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
