I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
sex in a hospital.. check
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
