D3 body, D1 cock
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
