and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
