I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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