my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
