It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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