don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
