He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
