I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
